Personal touch is something most of us take for granted. We greet people with a handshake, or if we know them well, we give them a hug. When we’re talking or praying with someone, often times we will gently lay our hand on them. We touch as a way of saying, “I understand,” “I’m here for you,” or “You’re not alone.’’ It’s just part of who we are.
But when personal touch is taken from us, like has happened due to COVID-19, we must follow directives to keep ourselves safe and stop the spread of the virus. This means we’re unable to touch each other, which is showing us how crucial physical contact is to our wellbeing. We miss the touch that tells us everything is going to be okay.
Hugs Matter
How important is a hug? Our bodies contain oxytocin, a chemical some scientists call the “cuddle hormone.” This is because its levels rise when we hug, touch, or sit close to another person. According to www.healthline.com, Oxytocin causes a reduction in blood pressure and the stress hormone norepinephrine. It relaxes us and lowers our anxiety. Long, 20-second hugs are good for your heart! In the future, when we’re beyond social distancing, give someone a 20-second hug every time you feel down. It will lift your spirits and theirs.
This strange and uncertain time is especially difficult for women in recovery, who not only need stability and safety in their lives but who need to know they’re loved. One of the most important aspects of what we do at Chrysalis is comfort the women, usually with tender touch as well as gentle words.
The Gift of Love
I recently had a conversation with a graduate who was ready to leave Chrysalis and embark on her new life journey. I asked her how her life had changed and how Chrysalis impacted her. She said she has forgiven herself and is now able to love and value herself, that she learned to save money, be employed, and set and reach goals. Then I asked, “Looking back on your time at Chrysalis, what is your best memory?”
She thought a minute then looked at me with tears welling in her eyes and said, “The day I walked in the door you were all waiting for ME, not just the next girl, but me. From the moment I walked in, I knew I was unconditionally loved. As I was hugged and loved by everyone who welcomed me to Chrysalis, I felt like I belonged. It was one of my scariest days because I’d just gotten out of prison, yet it turned into my very best memory.”
Everyone who enters our 18-month Life-Style Changes program is met with smiles, hugs and “welcome to Chrysalis.” We happily greet each new woman because we are truly excited for her possibilities. I’ve mentioned before that welcoming a new participant to the program has always been one of my favorite experiences at Chrysalis. But until this conversation, I didn’t understand how important a warm welcome is to the person coming in, how it begins the healing of her heart.
Now, however, we are looking at a month of no personal contact. The new women coming into our program will receive our excited smiles and enthusiastic welcome, but no hugs. We are telling our new residents we promise to hug them “big time” when the crisis passes. One of our participants wrote on Facebook, “I am having a hard time without touch. It’s very important to me. The air hugs and high fives will have to do for now, but just know when this is all over, I’m going to be hugging everyone I know.”
People often ask me what makes Chrysalis different from other recovery or transitional living homes. I have a list of qualities etc. I believe make our program effective and unique. But after much thought, I believe our key difference may be our hugs! We are very big huggers. The love, grace and acceptance in our embraces is life-changing. I’m convinced we’re on the right tract. When this pandemic is over you can be sure Chrysalis will be healing hearts with lots of hugs at every opportunity.
